There is so much more to reminisce on and so many other entries that I could write on this blog for you. I'm sure you noticed that I didn't write about things like Sicily or my farewell party, for example, because it would literally be impossible to do it. I tried, trust me, and I just could not capture all I wanted to in a single entry! I could've kept this blog going forever but it was supposed to be your farewell surprise from me as I left New York. I'm really sorry I couldn't finish it until after I was gone. I worked hard to make it ready for you to see on the day I left for the airport but my schedule just got so packed toward the end of my time in the city. I'm so sorry you didn't have a gift to "open" when I left but know that I was working the best I could to get it finished.
Despite the delay, it has been such a joy for me to make this little blog for you. I really couldn't have imagined the spectacular evening that my farewell party would be before starting this and part of me just knows I could never live up to an ounce of your creativity. I thought I was all sly and sneaky making something like this for you and, low and behold, you create the most gorgeous memory book for me and throw a party that goes down in history as one of the best nights in my life. The one really fun thing is that you and I had the same idea of doing something with memories for one another and that makes me smile. Hig 'n Hog, on the same wavelength. :)
Going back in time, both in my head and through photos, has been like a journey in itself for me. I've reflected on so many of the things that have made my life so full for over 6 years and I sometimes don't understand why god has chosen to bless me so much. I have everything I could ever need and ask for, truly. Life is (and has been, even when I didn't realize it) a sincere joy as I've grown older and I've gotten to do that alongside of you!
The way our lives have connected over the years is proof to me that, all along, there has been a bigger and better plan. A plan that has led us both down winding roads, through painful obstacles at times and to a place where we walk together on the journey of life. It's such a gift to me to call you my sister and, even deeper than that, my best friend. We have a special relationship that is so not guaranteed as sisters. I think at this point in my life, I realize that more than anything else and I understand that we put the proper amount of time and effort into our relationship to have it grow at a healthy and organic pace. That has allowed us to become vulnerable when we need to be, pick each other up when we're feeling down and to be the kind of rock in each other's lives that helps keep us moving forward, stronger and better as individuals.
If I look at the less serious side, it's just so much fun to think about the laughter we've shared for many years, not just our time in New York. Yes, living in the Big Apple together has been a huge majority of our fun, but there is so much to think back on when we first started becoming close that literally makes me laugh out loud sometimes. We have had the best time together, Allison. So much so that I have often (and still do sometimes with Bryan!) measured even my dating relationships to the kind of connection we share. I actually had to come to the conclusion that what I have with you is my own, unique, rare relationship that I could only ever have, and want to have, with my sister. Nobody else on earth will be able to enjoy life the way that you and I do together and, you know what? I don't want it any other way. Most of the time here in Italy, even though I haven't been here that long, I think only of you and how much you would die over certain things. I love that feeling of knowing that you and I share something that I won't ever with anyone else and I cherish it! I think that's just the way it's supposed to be. :)
As I have taken the very big step to move forward with my culinary dream, I think back to all of the phases of life that you've seen me through. You have been by my side through so many levels of emotional growth - and stunt, at times - and you have never ceased to believe in me. You've believed in me far more than I ever have in myself and I think I finally see a little in myself of what you've seen all along. Growing pains, man...they are painful but so worth it in the end.
There's not a part of me that could ever express the gratitude I feel for who you are to me. You make me a better woman and you are the one person that I can always - and I mean always - lean on. I will never cease to be grateful to god for his divine orchestration of a relationship that I am so sure of. I never doubt where we've been, where we are or where we're going...together. To end a chapter and season of life pains my heart in ways that it doesn't most others. I am attached so deeply to the people in my life that I love and it breaks my heart to say goodbye. Especially to you.
I know that this is a new season that is going to be amazing. I don't doubt that. I only wish I could take you along for the ride. Once I got onto the plane heading to Milan, I finally broke down. All of the stress, anxiety, unknown, fear, nerves, uncertainty - whatever else you'd like to add to the list - came pouring out. I had (and have continued to have) a sort of revelation about myself and, for the very first time, I started to understand that it's time to let go. It's time for me to look back on my sweet, rich life in New York and to sort of say a goodbye to it in a very intimate way. I've taken care of a lot of other people in my life for a long time. I've been present, (pro)active, engaged, sincere and very serious about being someone that people can count on and someone that attempts to pursue greatness in all areas of my life. I don't think I realized just how much of myself I have extended over the years because, all of a sudden, I wondered where most of me had gone. On that flight to Italy, and in the days since, I have come to see that I have lost myself almost fully to a life devoted to everyone else. It's so very hard to explain this in writing - it's such a terrace/wine night kind of conversation - but I guess I came to understand that I have to say goodbye to the former Valerie and blossom into the new Valerie - still the same gal - just with a few tune-ups. ;)
I'd been feeling this way in my last weeks in New York, I just didn't know it. I think that's why my farewell party was that amazing for me. Obviously, I couldn't have even scratched the surface of understanding how special the night would be but, much like on marathon day, I just watched YOU be the star of the night, not me. I saw you come alive, making things so wonderfully perfect (I really mean that) and putting your heart out there for every single person to see. It made me so proud of who you have become. You are an amazing woman with so much to offer and give. I really could never thank you enough for making me feel so loved and SO supported. Allison, you are a beautiful, sparkling gem. You're rare and defined and intricate and so special. I don't know if you'll ever understand the extent of how happy I am that you're in my life.
That last afternoon in New York at Cilantro just about killed me. I'm so happy we went there, though. It was both needed and necessary, right? I kinda think the incident with the douche cab driver diffused a very sad situation too when I was off to the airport. Now that I finally did leave, it's a little easier to stomach but I miss you each and every day. With all of this said, I am just going to tell you that I love you so very much, Allison. New York has been the best time of my life and it's really because we shared it together. From 2006...:
I love you, Hog. So much. I leave you with very wise words from the man himself to sum up just how we've lived life together so far and how I hope we always will:
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it. You better never let it go...
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